So here it is: I don’t really care about the tax breaks, the property tax if one of us dies or having to file ‘single’ on my federal taxes even if we’re married under state law- I just want to legitimately marry the woman I love.

Damnit, I want a white dress too.

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Op-ed: We Should Make Marriage About Commitment

By Lanae Erickson, op-ed contributor

Next April, as the cherry blossoms are flowering across the city, I will stand in front of my family and friends and make a public promise of lifetime fidelity and commitment to my partner of five years. We want to take part in the tradition of marriage because we take its vows seriously and hope that the closest people in our lives will both hold us accountable to those words and support us in our relationship as life doles out the “for better or worse.”

But if you ask people who are still struggling with whether they support allowing gay couples to marry, they are just as likely to believe that I want to marry in order to get “rights and benefits like tax advantages, hospital visitation, or sharing a spouse’s pension,” rather than to publicly acknowledge lifetime commitment. Why? Because that’s what many in the movement have been telling them for so many years—and they listened.

After conducting extensive research on Americans in the middle, Third Way believes that correcting this misperception is the number one thing we can do to solidify support for marriage across the country. And a vital part of that effort must come in shifting our own advocacy from the language of rights to the language of commitment.

There are three reasons that setting aside the rights argument in favor of talking about lifetime commitment is crucial.

First, most Americans don’t think about their own marriages in terms of rights. Although marriage provides important protections for families, the institution and the ideal of marriage transcend spousal Social Security benefits or joint tax filing. When asked to describe marriage in their own words, people in the middle use words like “commitment,” “responsibility,” “fidelity,” and “a big step.” And when contemplating why couples like themselves get married, they overwhelmingly say it’s “to publicly acknowledge their love and commitment to each other.” The description of marriage that Americans most frequently cited in another round of our research was “a lifetime commitment between two people through good times and bad.” There is a stunning consistency among these responses—and the shared theme is commitment, not rights.

Secondly, understanding that gay couples want to marry for similar reasons as other couples do—to make a public promise of lifetime commitment—drives support for allowing us to do so. Those who thought gay couples marry for commitment in our most recent poll were substantially more likely to support allowing those couples to marry; in fact, a whopping 3/5ths supported marriage, while 3/5ths of those who believed gay couples marry to get a basket of rights opposed it.

Third, if we continue to identify a lack of rights as the problem, civil unions may continue to be the answer for many in the middle. While there are differences between the rights afforded by state civil unions and marriages, continuing to argue that what we’re after is the 1138 federal rights of marriage gives those who aren’t comfortable with allowing gay couples to marry an easy out. We’ve heard it over and over again: “Give them all the rights of marriage, just don’t call it marriage.” And if we’re asking for rights, why wouldn’t we be satisfied with that answer?

Instead, using a framework of commitment shows what is really at stake. It isn’t about pensions or tax forms—it’s about joining the tradition that plays such an important role in American families, communities, and society. It’s about making those solemn vows in front of the people you care most about, promising to be faithful to your partner for the rest of your life. And it’s about having your friends and family pledge to support you in that sometimes difficult task. Those deeply personal, admirable, and incomparable promises just can’t be approximated with some made-up legal category.

This week, Third Way is launching a Commitment Campaign to help deepen support for marriage among those in the middle by persuading them that gay couples want to marry to make a lifetime commitment, not simply for rights and benefits. We’ll work with policymakers and advocates in states with marriage legislation and ballot initiatives, aid in the efforts to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act at the federal level, and help to build public support for marriage to prepare for a possible Supreme Court decision on the issue. The Commitment Campaign already has the bipartisan support of prominent political leaders and activists including Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley (D), former Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY), Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee (I), Congressman Jared Polis (D-CO), and former New Jersey Governor Christine Todd Whitman (R), among others. Our hope is that by shifting the focus to commitment, we can correct the misperception about why gay couples want to marry and hasten the time when committed gay couples across the country will be able to make those precious vows.

Lanae Erickson is the Deputy Director of Social Policy & Politics at Third Way, a moderate think tank in Washington, D.C.

sodahead.com

The new pup may (finally) have a name, even if it is the namesake of a stripper. Came home to puppy poo all over the cage. She must belong to us- that’s what Calle did her second week with us too.

holytaco.com

I can’t believe Halloween is over! I spent so much time sewing, ironing and preparing our costumes. I had a blast but it went by so fast. AND one of the goals of having a Halloween party was to get rid of the Bud Light in our house, and somehow we ended up with MORE Bud Light than we started out with. Ugh.

poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com

Gotta stop screwing around and get going on this EBM paper now…

The day started off with Caitlin’s first 5k (only my 2nd)– the Marine Corps Honor Run at Carson Beach. Overall the run was amazing, I made per mile and overall time PR (9:14 and 28 minutes) for the 5K and there were marines of all ages and stages of their careers at the run. A large group of officer’s candidates ran the entire thing in formation, so it was an amazing overall feel. The downside? Monsoon like rains! The directions from the website let us off a mile and a half from the start of the race. We ran a touch late (ie, made it to registration when there were only large and extra-large shirts left) but made it in time to stretch and try to find respite from the sprinkles. It was at about the 2 mile mark that it began DOWNpouring. I thought I was going to lose a contact, so I was running with one eye shut (last pair, holding onto them for dear life until the new ones come in) for a portion of the run. I finished with some new PRs and more drive for my half marathon at the end of the month!

Caitlin finished just a bit after me and we enjoyed our myoplex and bananas and squish-squash walked to the red line rather than walk back to the bus. Ugh. Usually so convenient and fast, but it took us 2 hours to get home: red line to Broadway, Shuttle bus to park street because part of the line was down, then E train home. In addition to the 1.5 hours for two buses to the race, the entire 10 mile (5 miles each way) trip took 3.5 hours. I had an epiphany of sorts- I cannot wait until NC when the time it will take to get somewhere will actually be determined by how far it is… novel idea, huh?

Bitching about the MBTA aside, the run, followed by a very hot shower and googling how to dry sneakers, was a good start to the day and the month. A short rest later, we got dressed for the symphony (looking very good may I add) and dinner. Dinner at Flann’s– minus the obnoxious group plastered and screaming at 5pm– was amazing and cheap as always. Two beers and a vodka red bull later, we hopped on a train to grab one last drink before the show. Obvious choice for dressed up and looking for a drink, Our House? We saw a cockroach on the bar and I was stuck in the bathroom, alone and with stall doors lacking any locking mechanism, with no toilet paper or towels in site. I tried to pry the cardboard off of the empty roll as substitute until, thankfully, a little old lady came in and I shared my plight for TP. She got staff and they handed over some TP. Piling awkward upon awkard? She then asked if I needed any more. “Awkward, but no thanks,” I said. Oh boy!

There was a nice conversation with an older guy at the bar about tropical bugs and Costa Rican animal noises following the cockroach siting. It was both strange and delightful.

Slightly stumbling to the Symphony, we ran into Danielle, and took our seats. Second balcony, but the view was awesome. Started out with more classical selections, followed by a vocal group from the African American Institute (great but it was a bit strange that they performed ‘Joyful Joyful’ from Sister Act exactly like it was done in the movie), tributes to Arthur Fielder and John Williams, Beatles Rock Band Sing-A-Long and a performance by Ozomatli (they were the ones to sing the words ‘sexual’ and ‘gyrations’ mentioned in the title of this post).

An alumni for the class of '43 conducted the Stars & Stripes for the finale of the show.

The performance was not what we expected, but I do not mean that negatively at all- it was a pleasant surprise and an excellent way to experience Symphony Hall for the first time!

To cap the night off, we invited Danielle to relax with us at Symphony 8, formally Tiger Lily’s. Seems like they’re still working out some kinks, particularly stocking any of the first 8 beers we tried to order , but the prices were good and the restaurant is pretty. The downside: the Three Olives promo girls, dressed in leather mini-dresses and sporting bubble machines, tried to get us to make an ‘O face’ at the table. My reaction was a face that tried to convey the message, ‘ I’ve been up since 7, I ran a 5K and I’ve been drinking since 5, please let me drink my beer in peace,” which may have worked since they promptly left our table. They did come back with shots (pop rocks on the side, no I am not kidding) which only Caitlin tried. Vodka shots that tastes like bubble gum and are accompanied with pop rocks? I’m sure that they are trying to reach a younger audience, but they may have missed their mark by about 10 years.

And that was the end of the night of a mish-mash of events! Next week: brewery tours?

One last item: in the course of posting this blog, I went to the bathroom at Starbucks and found no toilet paper! At least this time I checked first.

…………………………………

So I realized last night that I never finished writing about the rest of Erin’s trip to Australia. I’m going to have to keep this pretty short because I have class soon, but we’ll see how that goes.

So after the weekend in Brisbane, we headed back to Robina by train. We arrived at Bond finally, I really do hate that ride from Brisbane, and unpacked our things. I called up Shannon, who also had friends in town, and we went to go rent a car. We got a van for the night and headed up to Nimbin and Byron Bay. I was lucky that I got to drive the whole time, but not so lucky that it was torrential downpouring outside. The rain stopped for a bit and we got to see how gorgeous the drive up there was. There were rolling hills and we drove on the side of this mountain and saw banana trees and a small waterfall. At one point though, we had to turn around and go back because there was a fallen tree in the middle of the road. I think we were headed in the wrong direction anyways though, or at least that’s the gist of what I managed to comprehend from this crazy Australian dude that we asked. As we got closer to Nimbin, we started seeing fruit stands and decided to stop at one. I bought some Tamarillos and some other fruit that I can’t remember the name of right now (the best fruit I’ve ever had, and I can’t remember the name). Erin and I also bought these really delicious fruit wraps that were totally organic. As we were checking out, Erik called us outside to see something. It was the end of the rainbow. The rainbow literally ended right in the middle of the road that we had just been on. So amazing!! It was especially beautiful for Erin because she and her mom have a thing about rainbows because Erin used to be in love with them as a kid (or that’s what I remember hearing, Erin correct me on this if I am wrong). It started to rain again and we jumped back into the car.

So we finally made it to Nimbin, and the town was a lot smaller than I had thought it would be. Actually the way that KOB had described it, I thought it would be a beach town. But, I was pretty impressed with it. It had a really friendly feel to it, and this really awesome museum. I can’t wait to see pictures of it. We had lunch there, and then got in the car again to head to Byron Bay.

By the time that we got to Byron Bay, it was already dark out, but we decided to head up to the lighthouse anyways. The winds were fierce, but the view was still amazing. A bit spooky, but amazing. After that, we headed back into town. On the way, I almost hit what I thought was an owl at the time, but now I realize it was probably a snot because they look like owls, but are known for flying into car headlights (oh the things you learn at Currumbin). So after the incident with the snot, we tried to find a parking spot so we could eat. The whole Main St was parallel, and I had forgotten to mention to everyone that I have only parallel parked once in my life. So I try it, and mentioned something like, “this is a lot harder than it looks” and everyone was like, you haven’t done this before? um, maybe it isn’t such a good idea to try to learn how to parallel park in a rental van. So, we found a parking lot. We ate at Hog’s Breath and Benson so nicely paid for us. Then we headed out and back to Bond.

So that was Sunday of Erin’s trip. I had sooo much fun with everyone, and I think Erin enjoyed Nimbin a lot because it was hippie heaven. The best part of Nimbin is that I didn’t even tell Erin what it was. She was so confused why we were going there in the rain because she thought it was a beach. Oops.

So the next day Erin and I were supposed to take the rental car to Currumbin Animal Sanctury and then return it but we ended up getting lost. I thought I could have gotten there without a map, but I was obviously wrong. We ended up in Burleigh and then lost in Surfers and then headed toward Labrador. By the time I figured out where we were and how to get to Currumbin, it would have been worthless to go. So we tried to find the rental car place. But, because of construction and my sense of direction driving in the left lane, we kept going around in circles. We finally got the car into the garage and about to park, when, oops we forgot to fill it up. So we get out of there again, and go fill up. It was 40 bucks for a half tank!! I still can’t believe that!! We find the garage again, and then decide to fill the rest of the afternoon with shopping.

After shopping and lunch, we headed back to Bond so that I could go to class. That night was pretty chill, we just hung out with Ryan and drank in North Tower.

The next day, I’m sad to say was pretty uneventful. I spent the whole day pretty much in class and studying. I had a french midterm and presentation the next day that I couldn’t be hungover for, so Erin didn’t get a chance to go out on a Tuesday down to Surfer’s.

The next night I had hoped to get everyone to go out with us, but a lot of people had too much work to do, so Erin and I headed into Surfer’s ourselves.

…………………………………

And that’s where it ends… random.

Yes, I realize this is my third post about it. Yes, I realize that this type of organizing is the work of a crazy person. Finally, yes, I am going to wear a newspaper pirate hat and mutter incoherently on the 66 bus on my way home.

Sunny/ Nice Out Weekend Ideas

Walking All Over:

B.U Bridge- continues memorial drive in cambridge until it meets route 2A at the end of the harvard bridge

Prudential Center Skywalk 10-10, $10

Swan Boats- do not operate in bad weather-$2.75
april-june 20: 10-4; June 21-labor day: 10-5

Freedom Trail: Tours (90 minutes): Boston Common Visitor Center to Faneuil Hall: 11, Noon, 1, 3:30 Daily  $12 online
North End/ Pirates and Patriots Tour BosTix Booth Faneuil Hall 1:30

Paul Revere’s House: ?2.5 admission- 9:30-5:15 daily

Boston Tea Party Ship and Museum: Congress Street Bridge, schedule not up yet

Shakespeare on the Common (schedule not out yet)

JP:
Brewery Tour- Sam Adams- Sat 10-3 (arrive early, usually fill up by noon) 45 minutes $2 Stony Brook T Stop (30 Germainia Street, JP)

Franklin Park Zoo- $9.50, weekends- 10-6

Southie:
Castle Island, South Boston: Fort Independence, Sugar bowl

Harpoon: Sat 11:30-5; Sun 12-3: every 30 minutes, sell out quickly $5 Harbor Street Stop on T SL2 from South Station

ICA Boston

Boston Harbor Islands State Park ($14 ferry)- long warf, southie, hull, depends on what island going to ( June 6th?)

Esplanade:
Hatch Shell Shows

Rainy Weekend Day:

Brookline & JP- close to Home:
JFK’s Birthplace: 83 Beals Street, 10-4:30 weekends- open May 28 $3

Brewery Tour- Sam Adams- Sat 10-3 (arrive early, usually fill up by noon) 45 minutes $2 Stony Brook T Stop (30 Germainia Street, JP)

Red Line:
MIT Robots and Beyond 10-5 daily, 7.50 adults (students $3)

Harvard Museum of Natural History in Cambridge (?$5 student tickets)

Brattle Theatre in Harvard Square

Finale in Harvard Square/ Park Plaza

Children’s Museum (South Station T stop), $7, (5-9 friday, $1)- open 10-5 daily, 10-9 friday

Harpoon: Sat 11:30-5; Sun 12-3: every 30 minutes, sell out quickly $5 Harbor Street Stop on T SL2 from South Station

ICA- 10-5 Saturday, $10 Students

Accessible From Work:
MOS (tix discount through partners)

USS Constitution (during marines week perhaps?) free

Bunker Hill Monument and Museum in Charlestown- free- 9-4:30 daily

More than ~ $10 Required (probably not going to get to some of these)

Boston ballet- $15 student rush, 268 Tremont Street

P-Town

Sailing on the Charles

Whale Watching Tour ($35 with NEQ entrance fee, Discount through partners?)

Celtics tickets

Blue Man Group

No Name Restaurant

Half Price Theater tix Bostix day of performance

I have to post my list of all the lesbian movies that I have rented via Netflix. Don’t judge me. These don’t even include most of the gay movies that I’ve also seen or any of the movies that I down-right hated! I’m ashamed… so deeply ashamed.

Nope, just kidding. I loved every moment Imagine-ing them together, hoping the Walls Could Talk, seeing all the French Twists, Loving every Children’s Hour that I spent Bound in fascination, watching every doubting Cheerleader moment of it and Tipping the Velvet- wondering what a Fingersmith might really be… not to mention all of The Secrets that I learned and Heavenly Delights that I saw! And if you get any of these references, you might enjoy them too.

My Favorites:
Imagine Me & You
Bound
If These Walls Could Talk 2 (Ellen and Sharon Stone!)
Loving Annabelle (don’t think about how young she is, just go with it)
But I’m a Cheerleader
French Twist (french subtitles but actually really funny)
Saving Face (Gay-sians!)
The Children’s Hour (a classic! with Audrey Hepburn)
Henry & June (hot sex scene… I think)
Battlestar Galactica – all six seasons! J/K but they’re amazing
Tipping the Velvet (long but good)
The Secrets (Israeli)
All over the Guy (gay guys but super cute!)
Angels in America (a classic)
I Can’t Think Straight (came out last year)
Fingersmith (Very long but worth it in the end!)
Rick & Steve (Animated by LOGO)
EXes & Ohs (LOGO series)

Ones that I liked:
The Celluloid Closet (History of LGBT cinema, cute)
Julie Johnson (Lili Taylor and Courtney Love)
DEBS (mheh)
Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her (a lot of big names here)
The Gymnast (very slow beginning)
Nina’s Heavenly Delights (what I thought Bend it Like Beckham was going to be like)
Red Doors (cute story, not all gay though)
Love Songs (french musical- cute and strange)

Interesting:
Desert Hearts
Love & Suicide (angsty high school unrequited love, watch out)
Wild Side
Girls on Film 2
Amour de Femme (only if you like odd French films)
The Watermelon Woman
Gia (Angelina Jolie)
Foxfire (Angelina again)
Tying the Knot (gay marriage documentary)
Love my Life (gay-sians again)
OUTrage (closeted politicians)
Better than Chocolate (only because this was the first lezzie move I’d ever seen)

And, with the time slowly slipping away until I leave New England and start school, I’m trying to enjoy the copious amounts of free time I have. While my usual preference is to plop down pantless watching Xena and drinking Pepsi on my couch (also why I have written anything the last few months, I mean who wants to hear about that?) — one thing I truly miss while I’m taking classes is reading for pleasure. So, while at Barnes & Noble last week, I picked up two random books that pulled me in for the first few pages: The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades before Roe v. Wade and The Sexual Spectrum: Why We’re All Different.

I’m half way done with both, which I usually can’t do but I’m so involved in both of them (one makes me cry and the other makes me think) that I can’t stop one to read the other. These are definitely a far cry from my usual Stephen King books, but I’m liking them both so far. I plan on coming back with some comments when I have the time and after finishing each!

To the gym now!!!!

And this is from the William’s Institute if the reasoning of discriminatory policy isn’t enough for you:

UCLA’S WILLIAMS INSTITUTE ESTIMATES 66,000 LGB PEOPLE ARE SERVING IN US MILITARY; LIFTING DON’T ASK/DON’T TELL WOULD ADD ALMOST 50,000 NEW MEMBERS AND SAVE TAXPAYERS HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

Press Release For Immediate Release

26 January 2010

Media Contacts: Gary Gates, 310.825.1868 (O) or 202.257.6400 (C), gates@law.ucla.edu

LOS ANGELES – Today, the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law released a research brief that updates estimates of the number of lesbian, gay, and bisexual men and women serving in the US military along with the cost of the Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell policy.

Dr. Gary J. Gates, Williams Distinguished Scholar and study author states that, “Despite official policy requiring that lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals remain silent about their sexual orientation, data from the US Census Bureau suggest that an estimated 66,000 LGB men and women are serving in the US military.”

The study also updates prior estimates of the cost of the Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell policy made by the General Accountability Office and the Palm Center at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Gates concludes that, “Ending Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell will save a substantial amount of taxpayer dollars since estimates suggest that the policy has cost more than half a billion dollars.”

Key findings from the analyses are as follows:

• An estimated 66,000 lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals are serving in the US military, accounting for approximately 2.2% of military personnel.
• Approximately 13,000 LGB people are serving on active duty (comprising 0.9% of all active duty personnel) while nearly 53,000 are serving in the guard and reserve forces (3.4%).
• While women comprise only about 14% of active duty personnel, they comprise more than 43% of LGB men and women serving on active duty.
• Lifting DADT restrictions could attract an estimated 36,700 men and women to active duty service and 12,000 more individuals to the guard and reserve.
• Since its inception in 1994, the “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” policy has cost the military between $290 million and more than a half a billion dollars.
• The military spends an estimated $22,000 to $43,000 per person to replace those discharged under DADT.

The full research brief can be found at: www.law.ucla.edu/williamsinsitute

If that gets your juices going, here’s what the HRC suggests:

• Collect “Repeal DADT” postcards along the Marathon route on Patriots’ Day, at Club Blu in Worcester, or at Northampton Pride. These postcards will be given to Sen. Brown by veterans during a May 11th Veterans Lobby Day in Washington.
• Join a downtown Boston phone bank every Monday, Tuesday or Thursday to call HRC and MassEquality members to ask them to contact Sen. Brown.
• Visit massequality.org to volunteer today or send a message to Ryan Brown at RyanBrown@MassEquality.org to find out about volunteering in your community.

I guess it’s runner’s high– it’s great but I’m trying to find the motivation to get that far. The hardest part is putting on my sneakers. Yes, I know how to tie my shoes, it’s not like that. It’s difficult to go from a thought and wanting to work out and translating that to actually doing it. But once the sneakers are on– it’s the point of no return.

So what have I done to make sure than I run my 4 m today? I came to work in my gym clothes & with my sneakers on! Sure I stink, but I’m going to run home from work. No excuses!! If I want to get this half-marathon done in under 2 hours and 30 minutes I have to stick with it!! Besides that, I’d like to look better in a bikini because the pool opens in 52 days.